Cancer doesn’t just impact a patient, it has repercussions for everyone around them. Friends and family of those affected by the disease process feelings in many different ways, but some channel their grief into campaigning for a better future for others with cancer. We spoke to two people who are committed to honouring the legacies of their siblings.
‘I shouldn’t have to speak out - I should have her here.’
23-year-old Gracie Nuttall lost her sister Laura to brain cancer two years ago. Since Laura’s death, Gracie has continued her sister’s legacy of campaigning for better treatment options for people with brain cancer, and has also spoken out about the impact of losing a sibling.
“When Laura was first diagnosed with brain cancer, she wasn’t that active on social media, but by the time she died she had built up a huge platform, bringing brain cancer and the lack of treatment options into the public domain. Now I feel it’s my responsibility to keep her campaign going, and that I would be doing her a disservice if I didn’t speak out.
The word bittersweet gets overused sometimes, but it’s meaningful in this context. I'm very proud of the work that I’ve been able to continue on behalf of Laura, and through my campaigning on sibling loss. Sometimes, when I post on social media, people reach out to me saying really lovely things that make me realise quite how much of an impact something so small can have. But at the same time, the person that I want to tell about that is Laura, and it is bittersweet, because I obviously wouldn't be doing any of what I do, had she not become ill.
We’re able to keep her in everything we do
I know Laura’s legacy is so strong – the campaigning work she did and the fact that she donated her brain so that others can benefit. She would be so proud of that. But there's also a massive part of me that resents that this is something I have to do. I shouldn’t have to speak out - I should have her here.
Sometimes I think we cheat grief because we talk about Laura so much - because everything that I do, to some extent, seems to involve Laura. I feel like for many people that lose somebody, that's it, life moves on - but we’re able to keep her in everything that we do, and while that is a real privilege, it’s also a strange conflict.
When Laura died, I was really shocked about the lack of support there is for siblings. There wasn't any. My mum and dad were offered counselling and support through the hospitals and through other charities that had reached out, which is amazing and so needed, but I got nothing.
I was lucky to have a brilliant support network, but there was nothing given to me that was specific to siblings. And I never thought about it before. Because why would I, while I had a healthy sister for 18 years? When she died, I was 21 and I just felt really isolated.
There are people who do ‘get it’
In November of the year Laura died I shared a TikTok video that explained Laura's story from my perspective. That video went viral, with 30 million views, thousands of messages, and hundreds of thousands of comments about brain cancer and siblings who had also lost someone, saying, ‘Thank you for making me feel important. Thank you for making me feel valid in my grief and how horrific it is.’
I’d struggled because – quite understandably – there were a lot of people who just didn’t know what to say to me or couldn’t comprehend what I was going through because they had never lost anyone, let alone a sibling. I wanted to get the message out that there are people who do ‘get it’.
Then I was invited to speak on the BBC Breakfast News sofa, with Callum Fairhurst, who founded a charity called Sibling Support which helps young people whose brother or sister has died. He started the charity in 2020 following the death of his brother Liam in 2009, when he found very little support.
Callum has become one of my closest friends and I’m now working for Sibling Support. I feel passionate about that work and privileged that I'm able to do it. And it’s something I think Laura would definitely approve of.
I made a promise to Laura
We so desperately need funding for new brain cancer treatments. A significant amount of funding has been previously promised by governments and not delivered. I’m working with the movement Brain Cancer Justice – a group of patients, families and advocates, to raise awareness about this.
During the summer, 40 of us campaigned outside the Houses of Parliament dressed in either white or black - black for those who had lost somebody to brain cancer, and white for those who had brain cancer themselves. We stood with Laura's picture, and everyone brought radiotherapy masks, either their own or from someone they had lost. We were silent for 88 seconds because of the fact that at least 88,000 people currently have a brain tumour in the UK.
I feel that if the funding that had been promised had been invested in research, maybe we'd be so much further on, maybe Laura would still be here, and that just makes me angry.
Quite often I think ‘Why do I bother with this?’ Because it's not going to bring her back. And people weren't making enough noise for Laura, and that's why she died. But then I hear her voice, and she says, ‘No, absolutely not. No one else should die from this. That's not right. It shouldn't happen.’ So I’ll keep on fighting. I made a promise to Laura, and I intend on making good on that."
'Rudy is never far from my thoughts'
Arjun Menon’s older brother Rudy died aged 26, soon after he was diagnosed with Gliomatosis Cerebri (GC). His family set up the Rudy A Menon Foundation to raise money for the ICR’s research into GC.
“Rudy was three years older than me – and a typical big brother, with all the good-natured competition and rivalry that comes with that. But he had a huge influence on me, throughout my formative years, and on who I am today.
As kids we were good friends and kept each other entertained, but the age gap meant he was also much more responsible. I was quite a fussy eater and I remember him sometimes taking on the ‘responsible elder brother’ role and trying to get me to finish meals!
I went to the same university as him, but I started just after he graduated (which he was probably very thankful for). At that time, I insisted that I wasn’t copying him – that I was doing my own thing – but looking back now, he clearly inspired me a great deal.
I was 23 when he passed away on his 26th birthday and I still find it so difficult to talk about him and what happened. It is easier and, in my opinion, very important, to keep talking about the happier memories.
One of the saddest things, is not having had the chance to see how our relationship would have developed into adulthood. A three-year age gap as a child or a teenager can feel quite big and you are essentially at different stages of life, but as you get older that gap seems to close and the relationship changes too. We were just on the edge of that – going for a drink together, weekend trips to visit each other – it makes me really sad to know we will never have that.
It’s great to see the progress that is being made
Support for people who have lost siblings is critical. It should be available to everyone, and then up to the person to lean into that or not. It’s a very personal thing.
When Rudy passed away, my family wanted to figure out the best thing we could do, so others don’t experience what we went through.
We want to grow the Foundation and make it sustainable over time, and we have a really strong Board in place to make that happen.
Receiving updates from the ICR about the research we’ve funded has been a really important part of our mission. It makes it so much easier for us to communicate with our supporters and update our donor base.
Because we fund PhD students, we get quarterly reports and it’s so helpful that the research is translated in lay-people terms for us. I think that program has been huge because it's a bit more tangible and it's great to see the progress that is being made.
The GC conference that the Foundation is involved in every two years, is an incredible experience. We always come away saying, ‘There's something exciting happening here. There's real progress’. My focus is on finding a way to get that message out to our supporters, so they know that their pounds and dollars have gone towards that.
My work at the Foundation is very different from my day job working in finance. But a parallel that I can draw is the problem solving that I see and taking some of those learnings and applying them to the Foundation. For example, being able to find a new donation system so people don’t have to create an account and go through numerous steps – just a few clicks on your phone and you’re done. Reducing friction increases the number of completed donations.
We don’t want any other family to go through what we have
Rudy is never far from my thoughts. I’m married now and we had our first son 14 months ago – he’s just started walking, so there’s a lot of chasing around at the moment!
I think my wife and Rudy would have gotten on so well - mostly making fun of me probably – they have a very similar sense of humour. And I think he would have been such a fun uncle.
From the perspective of a sibling I have seen what this profound loss has done to our family, and my parents and I don’t want any other family to go through what we have.”
Both the Nuttall and Menon families have generously supported research in the laboratory of Professor Chris Jones, Head of the ICR's Division of Cancer Biology. He heads the Glioma Group, which aims to find the genes that drive the development of brain tumours in children, teenagers, and young adults.
Professor Jones said: “My team and I are so proud to be part of Laura and Rudy’s legacies. It is such a privilege to work with siblings and families to improve the outlook for patients. We are grateful for their input, insight, and generosity. Everyone in my laboratory is wholeheartedly committed to developing kinder and more effective treatments. Ultimately, we want no families to suffer the loss of their loved ones to brain cancer.”